Have a good start to the week. And remember that you, I, he or she, all of us; we will find our way. The soul knows where we need to be and where we need to go.
what I never
from my mother
someone desires you
not mean they value you.
desire is the kind of thing that
leaves you starving.
“Just because someone desires you, does not mean that they value you”.
Read it over.
“Just because someone desires you, does not mean that they value you”.
Let these words seep deep through you, through your veins, your bones, and settle, albeit uncomfortably, in your mind.
These are the colours of your self-esteem.
I encourage you to do so because these are profound and meaningful words from a wonderful poet/artist, Nayyirah Waheed. And with anything profound, you need to read it more than once for once is never enough. Read it a hundred times if you can. And if you can, leave some space between each reading, as each time a different word or phrase will embed itself within your soul.
Now when I say soul I don’t mean soul in the overused new-age sort of way. No.
When I say SOUL, I mean SOUL.
When I say soul I am talking about who YOU are at the very CORE of your being.
The centre of your SELF. The ESSENCE of you.
That part of you that lies right the centre of your chest or in the depth of your belly that when you press hard, it hurts. It is the ‘I’ within that you may have just started to explore its existence. The ‘I’ in you that you may probably spend your entire lifetime trying to figure out. And you never will. So give up. And just be. I have.
Nayyirah Waheed is phenomenal. She is phenomenal because she has the capacity to talk to me even though we’ve never met in a language that surpasses mere words. She reminds me that I’m alive. And I’m grateful to anyone who can do that. Her words have the capacity to remove all the debris that have formed and gathered itself on your psyche like rust on steel; cutting through the crap, stripping it away, leaving your heart bare and raw. She then leaves you to do the polishing work yourself. She starts the process but you do the work.
I’ve posted some of her pieces on my blog before from her anthology of poems called ‘salt’. Perhaps her words may resonate with you too? Let me know, if you want.
Mine feels tired.
It aches. It is a little sad today. And weary; yes, definitely weary.
Often, when I am tired I find that I am even more drawn to poetry than I usually am. I am unsure why but I guess, I seek words to comfort me.
Today Mary Oliver’s Wild Geese found me. Mary once said:
“People are more apt to remember a poem and therefore feel they own it. And can speak it to themselves, as you might a prayer.”
I would agree with her.
Poetry is like prayer.
It comforts us in our time of need. It comforts me. Does it comfort you?
You will find these words in her poem, the Wild Geese….
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Isn’t that just wonderfully profound? The “soft animal of your body love what it loves”.
Just let it love what it loves, just let it.
If you like to read Mary’s poem in all its full glory, I share it here with you:
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
I hope it soothes your soul, as it did mine.
I read a really lovely article and thought I’d share it here with you. It may be helpful and put things perspective if you’re looking for “the one” person to share your life with.
Often, and because we are human, we tend to overcomplicate matters especially when it comes to Love. Often, the answers are so simple and easy.
So do away with your lists, and trust instead in the wise voice within and your soul.
As Rilke once said:
“Believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”
In the meantime the article below may help. Enjoy reading and be kind to yourselves and each other.
The One. The one. Is there a One?
And if there is how will I know? And what if I’m wrong? And what if there’s really two or three or…
We humans complicate things so. There are many animals who mate for life and don’t lose sleep trying to figure out if their mate is the only one. Wolves for example. And coyotes, those wild wild nocturnal maniacs—yes, they have it all figured out.
Owls, beavers, eagles, swans, cranes, pigeons, hawks, ospreys, geese and some apes are a few more. My guess is that they don’t spend 10 minutes asking themselves if they have made the right choice or if something better awaits them right around the the next corner.
They just know.
For years I have seen articles that describe in great detail how to know if our beloved is the one. I have read articles and books that strongly suggest that if I answer, “No” to any of their questions I might be in the wrong relationship. Books that ask hundreds of questions and no matter how you answer them you put the book down feeling like you just ate rotten fish and wondering what you ever saw in this person you love anyway.
We talk to friends and therapists and priests and experts. We take quizzes online and haunt the self help aisles in bookstores and libraries. We look for “signs” and ask question after question.
Does she make you feel…?
Does he say…?
Does he have…?
Does she give you…?
Can he read your mind?
Do you speak the same love language?
And oh my God, what do you mean he forgot your birthday?
It really is so much more simple than all of that and it all boils down to two very simple questions.
1. Do I love this person?
Not, is this person hot or sexy or fun; not, do I enjoy this person; not, are we compatible; not, is it a good idea— but, do I really and truly love this person? Would I give them half of my paycheck, the last bite, my car or…a kidney? Is it that kind of love?
If the answer is yes then you’re already more than halfway there. Real love is motivation for growth and understanding and compassion. Real love drives us to be better people who rise above petty difficulties and fleeting emotions. People who do whatever it takes to nurture what we hold dear, kidney donation or not.
2. Are both my life and my partner’s life better because of our relationship?
Sit back, put your feet up, close your eyes, imagine your life without your beloved and ask yourself: How would I live without this person? How would I feel? How would I spend my time? Would I feel full? Would I feel empty? Would I sleep well or would I lie awake longing?
Who would I confide in? Who would I spend my time with? Who would lift me up when I am down? Who would be my rock? Is my love my best friend? What would I do on Saturday night or Tuesday afternoon or everyday for the rest of my life if this person disappeared from my world?
A thousand questions could follow and we should be mindful of how we would answer them but not get too caught up in the details. We need to keep it simple. We need to put aside all secondary emotions like envy, put aside fear and attachment and know that no matter what happens we will survive. With a pure, courageous, open heart we need to ask the simple question: How would my life be without this person I call my love?
I’m not suggesting that we settle for an unhealthy relationship, nor am I suggesting that there is necessarily only one one. I am saying that we complicate things with mountains of questions which can create doubt and confusion. Sometimes the answer is obvious if we simplify. If we can take a step back and answer these two questions honestly and fearlessly I believe the answer as to whether we should be with our chosen one, or not, will be obvious. If we really and truly-give-up-a-kidney-kind of love our partner and we recognize that our lives are better as a team then with a little attention and a lot of commitment everything else will fall into place.