why grief is hard


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The work of mourning is piecemeal,  Freud noted; though reality tells us our loved one is gone, “its orders cannot be obeyed at once.” We grieve by calling up one memory at a time, reliving it, and then letting it go (if we can). Sometimes this process can occur and unfold many many times.  At a brain level, Norman Doidge writes, we are turning on each of the neural networks that were wired together to form our perception of the person,  experiencing the memory with exceptional vividness,  then saying
goodbye one network at a time. In grief, we learn to live without the one we love,  but the reason this lesson is so hard is that we first must unlearn the idea that the person exists and can still be relied on.

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Published by

justme

I'm a woman living in London and this blog captures what lands within my sight and connects with my psyche. I expect it to evolve naturally. It is a place I shall visit from time to time and where things that I am touched by deeply will find a soft place to land. As a psychotherapist and a continuing student, most of the articles you shall find here will somehow, in some way, be related to therapy and well-being. I love comments, so feel free to add yours, whenever and however. I wish you well.

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